


I cannot lose what is not mine

by murmelinchen



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-04-18 12:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4705496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmelinchen/pseuds/murmelinchen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eric and Tris were never meant to be but it doesn't prevent him from having feelings for her. Will she ever feel the same or does her heart belong to Four?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, I have this song stuck in my head and it just fit to Eric and Tris perfectly in the following context. The song is actually performed by the wonderful punk rock artist Farin Urlaub with the title 'Niemals' (never) and I had to translate it. I hope the lyrics still convey the emotions accordingly. Even if you don't understand German I recommend to listen to the song, I just love the combination of a slow song with amazing guitar riffs!
> 
> Please tell me what you think about my first song fic ;)
> 
> I do not own Divergent or its characters and the song 'Niemals' belongs to Farin Urlaub Racing Team.

Eric was strolling towards the meeting room with his eyes to the ground, he didn't want to see anyone and no one would want him to look at them. His mood was beyond bad and when he finally looked up because he was almost there, the blood in his veins froze momentarily. Tris was in front of the door with Four all over her. Eric rolled his eyes when he kissed her one last time before turning around, "I'll see you later."

**I wish I could forget you, I would love to just be able to ignore you**

"You're late," Tris laughed when he passed her. Eric grunted in response even though he wished he would say something. Anything really but he was afraid of what would come out. So he went into the room where pretty much everyone was already waiting for the monthly meeting to commence. Sitting down he rubbed his face, as much as he was looking forward to them he was dreading these meetings more and more. It meant he would see her on a regular basis, sometimes even during the month. While it was soothing in a strange way he wanted to ignore how smart, nice and most of all how pretty she was.

**I hope it will happen overnight, at least some day maybe**

But he was forced to attend these meetings, being one of the leaders meant he had to meet the others, if he liked it or not. Stealing a glance at her he couldn't help but wonder how her long blond hair would feel like under his fingers. He cursed mentally as she was drawing his attention to the tattoo on her collar bone which was showing now prominently as she tugged her hair behind her ears. Biting his lip he tried to block out the vision of his lips grazing across the soft skin of her neck. He wished these feelings would just go away.

**It will take time though**

After an introduction by Max and some others reporting the status of their work Tris got up, it was her turn to tell the audience how the meetings with the other factions went and how well they worked together with Dauntless. Her hips swayed and she tugged her skirt down drawing Eric's eyes down the length her legs. But when she turned to face them and her gaze was crossing every single person in the room he had to look away.

**I try not to look at you because my gaze will betray me**

Eric gritted his teeth forcing his eyes to stay on his hands. He would rather have her think he was bored out of his mind than for her to see that he was drowning in her eyes. Eyes that held compassion, yet not for him but Four, the man who surpassed him pretty much in everything and who always got what he wanted. Eric got the position as a leader but only because Four had refused. And then he even got the girl Eric had dreamed of.

**I am sure that there will never be anything, because there has never been anything**

He looked up just in time to see her gaze move from him to Max. Heat crawled up his neck and he knew he was glaring but it was the only possible way to conceal how he longed to smile at her. Longed for her to smile at him. Craved to touch and be touched by her in the most sensual way.

**I want to know how it can be that I am in cloud nine when I see you**

Her gaze flickered back to Eric briefly and he thought he saw her blush. She cleared her throat and was finished with her speech. Did he just miss something? She had drawn him in, and without realizing it he had hung onto her mouth and yet he wasn't able to comprehend a single word. Tris returned to her seat, only Max was between them now and he watched her skirt move up just a little bit when she sat down. He sighed inwardly wondering how the skin on her thighs would feel like. He had to shake his head mentally, he knew it was his turn soon.

**My head is so far away and it hurts to know that you don't know how I feel**

Someone asked Tris a question and in her polite way she answered. And then someone else muttered his name. He looked up to see everyone looking at him expectantly. Dragging himself out of his seat he saw her watching him from the corner of her eyes as he walked past her.

**I will lay my heart to your feet, please don't break it, it already suffers enough**

It was his turn to present last month's numbers on the initiates' progress. His mouth moved on its own accord and he wondered whether the words were even coherent, they made sense to him when he had thought about what to say prior to the meeting. But now that he was practically standing right in front of Tris he couldn't quite sort his jumbled thoughts. He cleared his throat and stole a glance in her direction. Her eyes remained on the notebook in front of her, scribbling away and absent-mindedly brushing her fingers through her long hair.

**I am sure that there will never be anything because there has never been anything**

Eric saw that she wasn't looking at him and it made his scowl deepen. And why would she even look at him, after all she was with Four. He had been the cruel instructor everyone was afraid of. He had done his share to push her away. If he had ever known that his feelings towards her would someday almost suffocate him, he would have at least made a move, checked his chances.

**I know you will never want anything from me and yet I dream about you**

At least he could imagine she was his. He was watching her more often than not. Her smile was the sweetest he had ever seen. Even when he saw her with Four he couldn't help but travel his eyes up and down her body. He wanted to push Four away, take her away from him. He wanted to make her smile, smile for him, smile because of him. Sometimes she even smiled back but he was too caught up watching and indulging himself in his daydreams that he missed the moment he should return the gesture. She was looking up at him now, she was actually looking at him with her big green eyes and he was sure he would drown in them. He must have forgotten how to form sentences, and when she smiled at him in encouragement he stuttered out the rest of his little speech.

**I cannot lose what is not mine**

He couldn't imagine her smiling out of affection, it was her Abnegation side which was showing. She wasn't smiling because she liked him but because she wanted to help. He knew how nervous she was on her first day, now she seemed to think that he was too. She thought he was weak and it was the last thing he wanted. And yet he thoroughly enjoyed her attention even if it was only in these meetings. He wanted this, he wanted her to smile at him. He rolled his eyes out of habit and went back to his seat, rubbing the back of his neck he felt blood rush up to his cheeks. He felt his hopes rising and only because of her beautiful smile.

**It doesn't make sense to start now but I am already in too deep**

While he went back to his seat Max got up from his and sitting down Eric wondered briefly whether anyone would notice if he sat down next to Tris. He would lay his arm around her shoulders, and if Four could see them he would rage. He smirked to himself but looking up from his hands he saw her frown at him, still with a smile but it immediately wiped all emotions from his face. What would she think of him if she knew about his thoughts about her?

**Not a day passes where I don't think about you with every heartbeat**

She pursed her lips suppressing a grin and turned back around to face Max. He concluded the meeting with his usual words of encouragement to work together to protect the other factions and being the elite of Dauntless. He watched Tris get up brushing down her skirt. He was already looking forward to next month's meeting. He would see her then, and maybe she would talk to him then. And maybe he would be able to talk back to her.

**Not a day passes, not an hour passes**

She turned to him with that same radiant smile from before. Could it be that she would talk to him? He so badly wanted to hear her voice, maybe she could say his name. He would love to hear it roll over her lips. She stepped closer to him, brushing her hair shyly behind her ear.

**I am thinking about you, now, right in this moment**

"Um, Eric?" she murmured. There it was, it was heartbreakingly beautiful to hear his name from her. He could listen to the sound of her voice all day long. Yet his lips were sealed shut and he didn't say anything, instead he jutted his chin forward in acknowledgement.

**Always and relentlessly, by day and by night**

She was now right in front of him, and she was tiny compared to him. It immediately gave him a feeling of protectiveness. "I didn't quite get this month's figures. Can you please explain them to me?" she smiled sheepishly. He must have mixed something up in his haze. She stepped even closer to peer at the sheet of paper in his hand he noticed he was gripping tightly. The faint scent of her perfume invaded his nostrils and he mentally kicked himself. Words were failing him, sweat was breaking out on his forehead and he felt as though every little gesture by her was meant for him.

**What's wrong with me, what are you doing to me?**

He nodded and cleared his throat, his mouth had suddenly run dry. Her small hand touched his in an innocent gesture to turn the page so she could look at the numbers herself. Everyone else had left the room and she was so close to him that her shoulder touched his upper arm, the softness of her skin sending tingles up and down his spine. When he was done explaining he looked down at her. Her hand remained on his and she was looking up at him, they were mere inches apart and taking another deep breath he saw her lips curl up into an even broader smile. The beauty of it alone made him smile back without hesitation this time. He wished she just used the report as an excuse to be close to him. He wished he wasn't frozen in place, that he would be able to show his affection clearly to her. If it wasn't for the fact that he was completely unsure about her feelings towards him, he would be leaning down now, capturing her lips with his own. And he could have gotten lost in the moment if it wasn't for someone clearing their throat. They both looked up to see Four standing in the doorway. Eric saw Tris' smile falter for a split second before she sighed and with yet another agonizingly beautiful smile she thanked him. She didn't go away immediately, biting her bottom lip she stole another glance at Eric, not his eyes this time. Usually she looked into his eyes. Now before she went over to Four her eyes lingered on Eric's lips for a fleeting moment. Yet she left to go with Four. She left Eric confused and bitter, he sighed annoyed with himself that he had blown yet another chance to show her how he felt for her. Maybe next time, though Eric feared he would never get as close to Tris as today. It wasn't meant to be, they were never meant to be.

**I know that there will never be anything because there has never been anything**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I felt compelled to continue this from the beginning but I wasn't sure whether I'd find an appropriate song and setting. But listening to The xx with 'Intro' I had this urge to write down what immediately took over my mind. Unfortunately this song doesn't have lyrics. But I already had 'Waiting game' by Banks in my head, so I just used it. You may want to listen to both songs :)I hope you enjoy the continuation and do tell me what you think!

**I do not own Divergent or its characters and 'Waiting game' belongs to Banks.**

Tris took one last look at her reflection and then turned to Christina who nodded her approval. On her way to the pit she passed Four who was talking to Lynn. But as soon as he noticed her she was already past him and luckily he didn't follow her. It was enough already that they still shared an apartment. She had wanted an apartment of her own but he had insisted on giving their relationship another chance, and she had carved in. After all she still had feelings for him and deep down she wanted this to work out.

The pit was packed to the brim with people enjoying their Friday night. Many looked at her and Christina but she ignored all of them. Since it had made the round that Four and her had a huge fight she was offered to go out many times but she declined equally as often. It wasn't that she wasn't interested in experiencing something new but the right one had yet to show up.

**I'm thinking it over**

Moving into the crowd a different pair of eyes was on her as well but she refused to acknowledge him yet. He had succeeded in making her squirm under his eyes many times before but tonight she decided she wouldn't let him. At least not yet, she knew she wouldn't be able to resist much longer. She had found herself attracted to him for quite a while but tried to deny it over and over again.

**The way you make me feel all sexy but it's causing me shame**

She started dancing with Christina and Will joined them but soon the two were so immersed with each other that she was on her own. Everyone was dancing and swaying rhythmically and slowly she was lost in the ecstasy that easily took over her body. Her mind was free and she didn't care who looked at her as long as she was able to relax and dance off all the built up tension.

Their eyes met briefly and she could see him watching her intently from his position leaning on the wall, openly staring at her and not averting his eyes upon the contact. He had been profoundly nice to her, helping her with whatever she needed help with. He wasn't her direct superior but he supported her where he could. After all he wasn't such a bad guy as she had assumed so far. It was her turn to look away though, the intensity of his grey eyes was too much for the moment.

**I wanna lean on your shoulder**

She kept on dancing and after a few more moments she felt hands gliding up her arms. Warm fingertips caressed the bare skin of her arms as light as a feather and sent goosebumps all over her skin. To her surprise she wasn't startled by his intrusion of her personal space and she leaned into the touch. For a brief moment she thought he was only touching her to move past her but he lingered and in an unspoken agreement they started dancing together.

**I wish I was allowed but I don't wanna cause any pain**

She didn't mind though, she had been dancing with a couple of guys these past days but nothing ever came of it. His hands glided to her back and her breath hitched in her throat as his firm hands massaged her back. The music was so loud that no one could hear her gasp when his hands brushed down her sides, taking his time to caress his hands over her ribs and then grabbed onto her hips roughly. His fingers pressed into the sensitive skin as he helped her sync her body to his slow but deliberately sensual movements.

She leaned back into him and even though she used to feel intimidated by him tonight it was different. She wanted this to happen, she had had dreams about him for quite a while. Ever since she moved up into leadership she had noticed him watching her. And a very small part of her wondered how he felt towards her. They had shared hidden glances and sometimes she even caught herself wishing to be alone with him. Her eyes had travelled across his well-toned body many times wondering what he would look and feel like underneath his clothes. From what she saw of his packed arms she could only imagine how ripped the rest of his body would be.

**And if I'm feeling like I'm evil, we've got nothing to gain**

His fingers were prone to leave bruises when he pressed her back to his chest. Yet she didn't resist and let him have his way with her. She absolutely enjoyed the attention he gave her and closed her eyes. She didn't care who saw them like that, no one probably cared anyway. And strangely tonight she trusted him more than she ever trusted Four to take good care of her.

**What if I never even see you cuz we're both on a stage**

They had been working together for so long now and she knew that if this was a one-time thing he would leave her alone afterwards. She had seen it happen with other girls and even if they tried to swoon him, tried to convince him to have a serious relationship with them, he simply ignored them and moved on. And tonight she couldn't care less whether she or he had feelings for each other. She needed comfort and he was willingly giving it to her.

He moved one hand to her front and placed it on her belly pulling her even closer. The heat of his body radiated through her back and soon took over her whole body. With a sigh she bit her bottom lip at the sensation of his breath against her neck. She placed her small hand on his and held onto his while a wave of dizziness overcame her. Reaching back her other hand grabbed onto his hip firmly to prevent them from losing the contact between their sensually connected bodies.

**Don't tell me listen to your song because it isn't the same**

Leaning her head back on his shoulder his mouth was at her ear and even though the music was deafening she thought she heard him chuckle softly. She could almost see the smirk that played across his lips. Yet she tried not to care and enjoy the intimate moment. His breath tickled her throat and unconsciously her fingers tightened on him while they moved in unison.

**I don't wanna say your love is a waiting game**

The world seemed to move in slow motion while their joined bodies ground into each other to the rhythm and she felt entranced by the feeling of their perfectly synced movements. She dared a glance back at him but couldn't quite make out his face. A frustrated sigh worked its way up through her chest and she pushed him back softly.

She turned in his embrace and while turning her eyes glided across the distinct tattoo on his throat. Brushing her fingers softly across the dark ink she placed her hands on his shoulders and looked up at him longingly. The pit's light was barely enough to make out his features but she could see his half-lidded eyes and his bottom lip between his teeth. And it made her heart flutter at how his eyes burned into her.

**Baby I'm thinking it over**

Eric's hands gripped her hips again and pressed her flush against his chest. If the music hadn't been as loud he would have heard her take in a sharp breath. Even if he couldn't have possibly heard her the grin on his face widened at the sight of her parted lips and he released his lip from his teeth in a mute pant.

**What if the way we started made it something cursed from the start**

He smirked down at her while one of his legs moved between her legs boldly. Brushing her hair away from her shoulders she could feel his hot breath brush over her lips for a brief moment as he moved even closer to her. He locked his eyes with hers and with a mischievous grin ground into her. Moving to the rhythm of the music she watched his pupils dilate as she instinctively rolled her hips to meet his gentle thrusts.

She had to admit that dancing with him ignited a fire within her that she had almost forgotten about. Her whole body was hot but she could still feel the heat creep up into her already warm cheeks when he buried his face into the crook of her neck. His breath on her shoulder sent tingles up and down her spine. And his hands roamed her back until they came to rest on her hips again where they resumed to hold her close to his body and she wished he would never ever let go.

**What if it only gets colder**

Though when the music changed Eric was the first to move away and she had gotten so used to his warm body against hers that a sudden chill washed through her as he stepped back. She thought her heart would stop beating any moment though when she saw him biting his lips, with a handsome grin he entwined their fingers and turning he started pulling her after him. He shouldered their way out of the crowd towards the stairs that led to the roof.

**Would you still wrap me up and tell me that you think this was smart**

Wondering what he was up to she couldn't help but check him out secretly. His shoulders were so broad she felt tiny compared to him. The sleeveless vest that he wore accentuated his muscular arms perfectly. And the dark ink on his forearms intrigued her to run her fingers along the skin. She reached out and held onto his forearm firmly while he made his way up the metal stairs.

Only when they had escaped from the people and the music and they were finally alone, he turned around and cast her a brilliant smile. He took a few more steps until he leaned against the hip high brick wall. A gasp escaped her lips when he pulled her against his chest roughly. He chuckled low in his throat and leaned forward to whisper close to her ear, "You looked extremely hot down there." He leaned back to smirk at her and shrugged nonchalantly, "I figured you could use some fresh air." Tris sighed as he placed his hands on her lower back drawing her closer, "Eric?"

**Cuz lately I've been scared of even thinking 'bout where we are**

He hummed and bit his bottom lip gazing at her. His eyes had turned a darker shade of grey and she thought she would get lost in his eyes if she didn't say something soon. Slowly he leaned forward and she could already feel his breath ghost across her lips. But she leaned back with a frown and gulped heavily when a flash of disappointment crossed his features. "I don't want to end up like just one of your girls," she confessed and took a deep breath, "And I don't want this to affect the way we work together."

**What if I never even see you cuz we're both on a stage**

His pierced eyebrow shot up in surprise, "I didn't expect you to say that," he shrugged and smiled sweetly, "But if it makes you feel any better, you're definitely not only one of those girls." His voice had gone down to a husky murmur which made her belly flutter, "You're much more than that." Their eyes locked together he started to lean in once more and she was trembling in anticipation, this time unable to resist his advance. And when his lips captured hers her eyes closed on their own accord.

His lips were warm and she could hear him letting out a shaky breath. She reached up to caress his jawline with her fingertips, feeling a five a clock shadow prickle her skin. She arched into him desperately and he broke away out of breath. His half-lidded eyes told her that he wanted more though, and she did too. So she latched onto his bottom lip drawing a guttural moan from him which parted his lips enough for her to slip her tongue past his lips. He was gentle almost timid at first, so completely different from what she had expected.

**Don't tell me listen to your song because it isn't the same**

Just as they had danced in the pit their tongues moved sensually against each other drawing a throaty groan from Eric which was answered by Tris with a soft moan. He held onto the back of her neck gently to hold her in place, to her surprise his fingers were trembling just as much as hers. It was sweeter than anything she ever had with Four. Naturally though he was battling her for dominance after a few moments but she didn't mind and kissed him back with equal force. And when he drew back breathing heavily he was unable to take his eyes off of her lips. She watched in fascination how his lips parted trying to regain his breathing. His whisper bordered on an urgency she would have never expected from him, usually he was so composed but somehow she seemed to have cracked the surface and he gave her a glimpse of how different a man he could be. And strangely it had her stomach in knots with guilt, all of a sudden realizing that she was not supposed to be doing this. "I want you to be mine, Tris!"

**I don't wanna say your love is a waiting game**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I know this is rather short compared to the other chapters but it's the first time ever I write from Four's point of view! I hope to do it justice despite the absence of any steamy Eris moments but this should be about the emotions here.  
> The song is The National with the absolute gorgeous song "About today", I listened to the song on repeat for a few weeks now and it inspired the whole chapter. I think it just captures the mood perfectly. Tell me what you think! :)  
> If you have any wishes for any songs and therefore plot for the next chapter, give me a shout!
> 
> I do not own Divergent or any of its characters and 'About today' belongs to The National.

Four hadn't been able to watch on, it was torture. It hadn't been the first time he had seen Tris dancing with someone else lately but this time it was different. This time it was Eric out of all people. He had seen the glances he had cast in her direction in the last couple of weeks but so far he hadn't made a move. Until tonight.

**Today you were far away  
and I didn't ask you why**

He had gone up to the roof, the wish to just head over and punch the other man had been almost overwhelming. And before he would have done anything he might regret he chose not to watch anymore. He was mad at Tris, that she seemed to gladly let it happen. She knew how much he hated Eric and how much the other man despised him. It almost seemed as if he did it on purpose, just to piss him off. He would have never expected to witness what happened next though.

**What could I say  
I was far away**

She didn't really fight him, she just let him kiss her. _"I can't promise you anything but I'll think about it."_ The words coming from her lips stung after Eric told her he loved her. It was just a flirt, just a kiss, he tried to tell himself over and over again. But it hurt so much, especially after they had agreed to give their relationship another chance.

Four glared at Tris' retreating back, his eyes turned to the big stupid grin on Eric's face and for some reason he hated himself more than he hated them. Four had never felt so devastated and rejected before. When he emerged from the shadows Eric's eyes locked with his and the grin faded quickly. For a long moment he just stared at the other man, he seemed to need a moment to realize that Four had caught them. Four had heard everything, had seen everything and still hadn't been able to make a move to step in.

Eric stepped away from the wall and if it was possible his face hardened even more, jaws clenching he watched Four approach. Four's hands balled into fists and he cast back a regretful smile. He laughed more to himself and shook his head, not so sure why but it all felt so surreal.

He could see Eric tensing when he sauntered over to the wall leaning on the bricks next to him. An uncomfortable silence settled between them and he wondered how this was even possible to happen. This was Eric, a man he despised more than anyone in all Dauntless. They had never been close, more rivals than anything remotely to being friends, but now they were connected by the girl he loved. The girl who Eric just confessed to have deeper feelings for.

**You just walked away  
and I just watched you**

"So," the other man's voice cut through the lingering silence, "I heard you broke up." It was more a question than a statement, cautious and honest in nature. Four had to laugh but it didn't reach his eyes, he looked at Eric who was regarding him quietly. He held his stare and his expression was unreadable as usual. He wondered briefly how fast he was able to shut away the emotions he had just expressed while Tris was alone with him.

"No," it was a simple statement but judging by the mild colour that went into Eric's cheeks he could tell that he didn't expect that answer. Eric looked away and Four could see the dark ink ripple across his throat as he gulped heavily. They had never spoken about anything other than training the initiates so now they were both at a loss when it came to an emotional conversation.

"Look," Eric began with an insecurity Four had never witnessed him express, "If I knew- I mean, I thought-"

"It's okay," Four forced out despite himself and sighed.

"You know," Eric began with a hint of hesitation and looked at his hands, "I had feelings for her ever since she joined Dauntless," he confessed not daring to look up. With a wry smile Four turned towards him and nodded, "I know."

**What could I say**

Eric's eyes shot up and he gaped at him. Four laughed bitterly, "You can hide your emotions well but I saw you looking at her."

"If I knew you were still together I wouldn't have made a move." Four turned to leave abruptly, not wanting to hear any of it anymore. Eric wouldn't meet his eyes when he passed him, scowling at his feet. He scoffed quietly and wondered how this could have happened. That the most unexpected person would be the one who might tear Tris away from him for good.

**How close am I to losing you**

When Four got to their apartment Tris was getting ready for bed and he watched her silently from the doorway of their bedroom. While she took off her clothes he wondered whether this might be the last time he would get to admire her wonderful curves. She looked at him while crawling under the blankets and gestured for him to lay down with her. No word of Eric, no sign of regret.

After a moment he moved away from the doorframe and took off his clothes and lay down beside her. Her hand reached out to entwine their hands just like she usually did. He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb and watched her close her eyes. A faint smile graced her features, one that he had missed for the last couple of nights. They had been arguing a lot and when they went to bed they either slept with their backs to each other or either of them on the couch.

**Tonight you just close your eyes  
and I just watch you  
slip away**

His thoughts drifted off to where it all started. He never thought he'd ever see any Abnegation in his life again, that's why he chose to work for intelligence over leadership. He wouldn't need to get out patrolling, wouldn't need to accompany his former faction members to feed the factionless, and foremost he wouldn't need to talk to anyone outside of Dauntless.

Until Tris arrived his plan went according to expectation, but then she stepped into his life. She wormed herself into his heart with her determination to leave her former faction behind her, almost as fiercely as he did. In the beginning he wasn't sure whether she'd feel the same but slowly they found to each other. They seemed to be meant for each other, they had so much in common he sometimes wondered whether he was dreaming or not.

And then after two years their happy relationship started crumbling, suddenly with no warning ahead. They had been speaking about the future, he had proposed to her and they agreed that they would wait with a wedding until all of Dauntless had calmed down after the quarrels with Jeanine who had threatened to tear all of Dauntless apart.

But that hadn't been what almost ripped Four and Tris apart. It was their disagreement on having children. Tris was telling him with a smile on her face how many children they would have and even when she planned on having them. When she started talking about names he had to stop her enthusiasm. He didn't want to have children.

And now she started hooking up with Eric, he doubted that she knew what she was doing. He didn't believe Eric would be in a position to be a good father. In fact he thought if one of them shouldn't have children then it would be Eric, he would be absolutely incapable of raising a child properly. Four wondered whether Tris even thought about this aspect before she started this, whatever it was, with Eric.

**How close am I to losing you**

With his free hand he traced her angelic features and admired her high cheek bones, her arched eyebrows and full dark eyelashes. Her plump lips he loved to kiss and hadn't for a few days. He could have looked at her all night long, burning every inch of her being into his mind. But he had to speak to her, had to know what she felt, he just needed to know where he stood with her.

**"Are you awake?"**

She smiled faintly but her eyes remained closed.

**"Yes, I'm right here."**

He sighed heavily, his heart almost bursting through his chest. His mind whirred and the emotions fighting within him were almost overwhelming.

**"Well, can I ask you about today?"**

She froze then and opened her eyes but didn't look up at him. She was silent for a moment until a murmur reached his ears, "What do you mean?" He lifted her chin up to force her to look at him. When their eyes met he whispered, "You know what I mean."

Unable to say anything she just stared at him and his own voice was far away when he spoke, "I saw you on the roof."

She looked away then and rose to sit up with a shuddered sigh. He sat up next to her and grabbed her arm gently, "Tris." She didn't struggle against him, just looked at a distant space across the room seemingly unable to look at him. Yet she remained silent and wouldn't look at him.

Slowly he reached up to cup her cheek and turned her to face him. She had her bottom lip between her teeth and trembled slightly. Tears were brimming her eyes and she seemed to be afraid, not of him but of her own feelings. It hurt, it hurt a lot.

He had to know.

**"How close am I to losing you?"**


End file.
